


Keep Your Hat On

by Siria



Category: Undercovers
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-10-18
Updated: 2010-10-18
Packaged: 2017-10-12 18:27:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,061
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/127773
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Siria/pseuds/Siria
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"This is undignified," Steven pointed out for the third time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Keep Your Hat On

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to randomeliza for betaing!

"This is undignified," Steven pointed out for the third time. He stared fixedly at the far wall, resisting the impulse to fold his arms over his chest. Leo was snickering enough as it was.

"Now, honey," Sam said, "It's an entirely necessary operational requirement. If we want to get the hard drive from Golubev, then—"

"I know _why_ we have to do this," Steven said. He put his hands on his hips for a moment, but that didn't make him feel any more in control. "I just don't see the necessity for me doing this in a pair of Speedos."

"And a hat," Leo called out from the other room in the hotel suite, to which Sam had banished him. "Don't forget the hat. It's a very _adorable_ hat. Very in among Izmir's bright young things this season."

"He knows I can kill him with my pinky finger, right?" Steven asked Sam. "He knows I can hack into computer systems so classified even _he_ doesn't know about them, and make sure every jilted one night stand from the last fifteen years knows his real name _and_ where he lives."

"There is no need to be petty," Sam said. Easy for her to say, when she'd be doing the simple part of this job—scaling a sheer perimeter wall, breaking into a secure lab, getting back out again while carrying a hard drive full of terrorist contact info—and doing so fully clothed. She went up on tip-toe to stick the hat on top of his head. "If you do want to admit that I'm better at sexpionage than you are, though..."

Steven raised his eyebrows at her. "Wait, hold on, are you saying I can't carry this off?"

She patted him on the arm before stooping to slide a set of lockpicking tools down the side of her boots. "Of course not. You look very nice."

" _Nice_?"

Leo poked his head around the door. "If you ask me, I think all those hip extensions really are paying off in terms of glute definition. For a man of your age—"

"Shut up, Leo," Sam and Steven said in unison, without looking over at him.

"I'm just trying to be supportive!" Leo said, throwing his hands in the air. "I give and I give, and yet..."

"Shut _up_ , Leo."

"See, that's another thing," Steven continued. "If you make me go out there wearing a pair of Speedos, where am I going to keep my gun in case I need to shoot Leo?"

"There, there, sweetie," Sam said absently, patting him on the arm, "You're a smart man. I'm sure you can be creative."

Steven looked down. These things had go-faster stripes on them. "Okay, there's creative, and there's—"

Sam cut him off with an arch of one eyebrow. The effect would have been much more severe if one corner of her mouth hadn't been twitching with amusement. " _Or_ you could hide it under your hat. Which is what I meant."

"I'm sure you did."

"What else could I possibly mean?"

"I don't know if I should dignify that with an answer," Steven said, struggling to keep an answering grin from breaking out on his face.

The sound of clinking glass floated through from the other room. Leo was clearly raiding the minifridge again. At least the Agency was picking up the tab. "If this is more of your banter-banter bicker-bicker foreplay," Leo yelled, "before you go out and commit spytastic feats of improbable bravery before having bendy, life-affirming sex—"

"Did you just say _spytastic_?" Sam said, in tones of such deep disbelief that Steven had only heard her utter them before when speaking with Lizzy.

"—because if you are, then I'm going to go leave the hotel for a little while. Not so much your privacy, you understand. I'm sensitive to loud noises and tender emotions."

"That is such a lie," Steven told Leo as he sauntered back into the main room, a bottle of Cristal in one hand and a champagne flute in the other. "Belgrade, remember?"

Leo took a slug from the bottle. "How could I forget? But I thought that was the worst ninety seconds of your life."

"Emphasis on the ninety," Steven snapped. He hated it when Leo brought up Belgrade, especially since his attire now wasn't all that different to what he had been wearing then—although at least the Turkish coast in July was a lot warmer than Serbia had been that January.

"Boys," Sam said with a sigh, rolling her eyes. "Do I have to remind you that you are trained professionals with many years experience? That you are grown adults? That you don't have to posture to remind me of your manly testosterone? Because it's both tiring _and_ clichéd at this point."

"Yes, dear," Steven said.

"Sorry, dear," Leo chimed in, sounding not at all repentant.

"Okay," she said, "I'm going to head out to the lab. I should be in and out within forty-seven minutes. Leo, you stay here and... try not to get arrested. Honey, you should head down to the pool; Golubev will be wondering where you are."

"Yeah, Steven," Leo smirked. "Time to go take one for the team."

Sam turned to look at him. Steven couldn't see the expression on her face, but whatever it was made Leo turn paler than usual. He spread his arms wide in a gesture that wasn't quite mock submission. "Okay, Mrs Agent Bloom," he said. "Point taken."

He backed out of the room, bottle of champagne still in hand.

"You know," Steven said, unable to keep the blatant admiration from his voice. "Many people have tried to get rid of Leo Nash, but so few of them ever succeeded as effortlessly as you."

"I'm a woman of many skills," Sam said dryly, and reached up to kiss him softly. "Now, time to go put your sexpionage skills to work, Mr Bloom."

"Yes, ma'am," he said, tipping his hat to her before heading for the door.

"Oh, and Steven?"

He turned around to see her tugging a knit cap down over her dark curls. "Yes, honey?"

"Keep the Speedos for later, okay?" Sam said, mouth a wicked curve, before she vanished through the window.

Steven grinned to himself before he headed out the door and down the hallway. Man. Sometimes he _really_ loved his job.


End file.
